So, whenever I need to make a difficult choice, my two sides--light (angel) and dark (devil)--take over. My dark side is selfish and obnoxious, while my light side is virtuous and kind. Here's what one argument--I mean conversation--sounded like, when I couldn't decide if I should blood-curdlingly scream just for fun or not.

Devil: Go on! Do it! It'd be so much fun to see the look on everyone's face! They'd be like, "What?! What?! Where's the emergency? Is there a burglar?! Rabid dog?!!" and you'd be like, "No, nothin's wrong, guys. Just a girl and her scream." HA HA HA!!!

Angel: But what if thy parents have ye olde heart attack? God would surely punish thee--you would be ye olde orphan!

Devil: Nah. She wouldn't scream THAT hard. Not like somebody just started to slice her in half. More like...a wild animal just bit off her arm. Or maybe her leg. Somethin' like dat.

Angel: Oh, REALLY!!! Where did the Lord go wrong and bring you to life?

Devil: Where did evolution go wrong and make Lydia have a side like you?! Ya know, everybody on Earth should have only ONE side: a side like me. One that is willing to take risks, have fun, and at the same time, guide the good peoples to independence! If the Colonists only had a "dark"--as you call it--side, then they would have more guts to CRUSH King George without having to go through all that trouble with the Boston Tea Party, the useless protests, and other stuff. The only thing that gave the Colonists freedom was WAR, baby, WAR!!!

Angel: Shut up-eth, shut up-eth, shut UP-ETH!!! The Boston Tea Party, I'll have you know, is an important piece of American history. Without it, the children of today would have to miss out on learning more.

Devil: Oh, as if the children like learning! I oughtta squeeze your...little...religious head till it pops like a pimple! Like a big ol' ZIT!!!

Angel: (GASP!!!)

So you can see where this train's headed. NOWHERE! I finally decided not to scream, no thanks to Angel or Devil. Which side do you like better?